Archive for the 'crime' Category

Small town news: Police calls

Posted by Gary on April 1st, 2007

Once again, truth is stranger than fiction. The Police Calls section of the Green Bay Press-Gazette from this past Friday yielded a number of gems… • Theft: Three hubcaps were taken from a Dodge Stratus parked in the 600 block of South Adams Street on March 22. Loss estimated at $125. OK, so did the [...]

Was Alcohol a Factor?

Posted by Gary on March 14th, 2007

Here is the first installment of what I plan to be a regular feature here on the Pants. Stories about the exploits of Mensa rejects, and whether or not alcohol is listed as a factor in their shenanigans, entitled “Was Alcohol a Factor?“. This first story comes to us from Billings, MT. Seems one Phillip [...]

Parent sues over kid’s F grade

Posted by Gary on March 13th, 2007

Dateline Sissonville West Virginia. Straight A student gets F. World ends. Somebody better pay. Yea, that’s right. It’s about time. It sure as hell isn’t the kid’s fault they turned the project in a day late. We certainly wouldn’t want to teach anything about responsibility, priorities or repercussions. Nope. Sue ‘em. The kid has a [...]

THIS JUST IN: I don’t give a shit about Anna Nicole!

Posted by Gary on February 23rd, 2007

Seriously.  How can this load of crap still be one of the lead stories on most of the online news outlets?!?!  Google News has aggregated no fewer than 4,291 articles on the ridiculous saga that is Anna Nicole Smith.  It’s also number 2 story on CNN.com and has it’s own little section on the front [...]

2006 Stella Awards

Posted by Gary on February 3rd, 2007

The Stella Awards cover outrageous court cases. They were inspired by Stella Liebeck. In 1992, Stella, then 79, spilled a cup of McDonald’s coffee onto her lap, burning herself. A New Mexico jury awarded her $2.9 million in damages. The top five Stella Awards for 2006 can be found here. For those who just can’t [...]

I double dog dare you…

Posted by Gary on December 30th, 2006

So you have the munchies.  And you’re a fiscally frugal individual (aka cheapskate).  You’re jonesin’ for a convenience store hotdog and you come up with diabolical plan to put not one, but two dogs on your bun… and mask the wiener deception with extra condiments. You didn’t count on a) the clerk noticing/caring, b) the [...]

Interesting Incarceration Integers

Posted by Gary on December 9th, 2006

An article from Reuters points out some thought-provoking prison points to ponder about the U.S. in relation to the world. • The United States has the largest prison population and the highest rate of incarceration in the world. • A record 7 million people — or one in every 32 American adults — were behind [...]

A New Low… Faking Retardation

Posted by Gary on December 6th, 2006

A Vancouver, Washington mother has been charged with making her son masquerade as a mentally retarded person for nearly 20 years so she could collect government aid… aid that prosecutors say is over $200,000. CNN had side-by-side video this morning of the mother pleading her case for benefits for her “severely retarded son” on one [...]

Painted Goats Gruff

Posted by Matt on December 1st, 2006

There are a lot of ways to handle a feud.  You could talk things over, you could refuse to talk to each other for years, you could drive past the house late at night honking your car horn… orrrr you could spray paint some goats. The quote in the secondary headline was “‘Obviously it’s not an [...]

Snoop in the Doghouse

Posted by Gary on November 28th, 2006

Apparently Mr. Dog has had another run-in with authorities this evening.  Seems that after performing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno… No, seriously.  Stop laughing!  It’s not that funny.  What, just because Leno’s demo averages 60+ doesn’t mean they don’t get into a little gangsta once in a while. Anyway, after performing on the [...]

PlayStation 3 Is In Your Head; Killing Your Brains

Posted by Tony on November 17th, 2006

A man from West Bend, WI, runs headfirst into a light pole in order to secure himself a PlayStation 3. A woman in Austin, TX, decides to wait in line for a PlayStation 3 even though she knows next to nothing about the system. Actual quote: “I heard this was going to be good.” Homeless [...]

TSA protecting us from rubber band balls

Posted by Gary on November 14th, 2006

“I was departing a small commuter airport in Southern California last week and I found myself in jail!” So begins the tale of a young man detained and arrested for possession of *gasp* a rubber band ball by TSA agents. He was also suspected of being under the influence of a controlled substance, which turned [...]

Somehow I Don’t Feel Safer

Posted by Matt on October 30th, 2006

Some luggage handlers hate their job. Some love it. And then there’s this guy. Charged with 110 counts of theft and stalking after taking both head and pubic hair from lost pieces of luggage that he was in charge of returning. When the police busted him they found baggies labeled with the names of the [...]

Weed goes high tech

Posted by Gary on October 19th, 2006

Police officers in Racine, WI arrested a man for possession of 18 pounds of [tag]marijuana/[tag] last week after a traffic stop, but the investigation then went high tech. Read on… Technorati Tags: Racine, WI

He Must Look Good In Orange

Posted by Matt on August 16th, 2006

What on earth goes on in Nebraska? Kevin Holder was just arrested Sunday morning in Lincoln with burglar tools in his possession. This marks his, are you ready, 226th arrest in 26 years. That’s around 8.6 arrests a year, and the average only goes higher when you factor in that he’s done three felony prison [...]